Asking first matters

Asking first makes a difference
by Martha Harris
It’s been an enjoyable date, great music, good food and even better company. As the dessert is being served and coffee cups are refilled, a man nervously looks at his partner. Should he look for a serious glance or a touch before making a move, or should he let his partner know he is nervous and ask, ”Can I kiss you?”
This is the opening scenario of Can I Kiss You?, a program dealing with dating etiquette, respect and sexual assault. Mike Domitrz,
an author and speaker who travels throughout the country, gave an interactive performance sponsored by the Women’s Resource Center Sept. 10 at Bloomsburg University.
Domitrz started this program in 1991 after hearing another speaker and because his sister Cheri was raped in 1989.
”After my mom called me and told me what happened, I wanted to hurt the guy myself, even though he was eventually caught,” Domitrz said. ”Then, I realized that I would go to jail and hurt Cheri in the process, so I began touring the country originally with a lecture format. Now, it is completely interactive and fun, even though there is serious subject matter, such as letting three of your closest friends or family know that you will always be there for them if they are or have been sexually asalted.”
This program demonstrates
how both men and women view dating. While women thought it was cute and a good idea to ask, at first, men thought it was a joke and were reluctant to think about it.
”It is important for both men and women to ask their partners if they are comfortable, so it doesn’t create a double standard,” Domitrz said. ”Men are taught to just keep going and going, while women are taught to say no only when their partner has gone too far. Women should be able to say no without apology and shouldn’t be made to feel bad if they refuse since it is usually the other partner that started it.”
According to Domitrz, all people, especially young people and college students, should have dating etiquette.
”There are only four things to remember for dating,” Domitrz said. ”Respect yourself; respect your partner. Always ask, and don’t be hurt if your partner says no.”
”Students can learn how to talk to and treat each other respectfully and


build better relationships,” Women’s Resource Center director Deborah Barnes said. ”They can learn that body language is not the only indicator of how a person is feeling, and it cannot always be the gauge they use for deciding what another person wants. They can learn how to be a friend, how to open a door and how to ASK for what they want as well as what they are willing to give in relationships, and they can learn this through laughter and having
fun. I hope that the students who attended not only enjoyed it but really grew as people because of it.”

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